


"If Zero Plus Zero Equals Zero, Then Zero Equals I'm Not Getting On A bloody Plane!"

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Mummy Wanted a Girl [1]
Category: Cabin Pressure, Sherlock (TV), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Martin is a Holmes, Q is a Holmes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:29:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2483069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"...And Q's afraid of flying."</p><p>"Of course he is."</p>
            </blockquote>





	"If Zero Plus Zero Equals Zero, Then Zero Equals I'm Not Getting On A bloody Plane!"

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened. I may have been drunk when I wrote this? I don't even remember. Just roll with it.

Contrary to common belief, Q isn’t afraid of flying, he’s quite indifferent about it actually. Q has merely learned from experience that bad things happen when he flies to places. Very bad things. So he attempts to fly as little as possible, sometimes that doesn’t work, especially when he has a brother who is a pilot, and another brother who frequently attempts to organize family reunions in places outside of England. But family reunions just aren’t _quite_ enough to get him on a plane.

“For God’s sake, Mycroft.” Q growls, sending his braver minions scurrying into hiding spots to join his less brave minions. The entirety of MI6 seems to have decided Mycroft Holmes is the scariest man in the building, which says a lot considering currently four of the Double-OHs are in the building, including 007. The entirety of MI6 has also, apparently, decided their Quartermaster is mad for facing off against Mycroft Holmes and have all but given him up for dead. “I’m not going to New Zealand!”

“You are, and you will like it.” comes the cold response. Mycroft’s eyes burning.

“No. I’m not flying with Sherrinford either! Combining his lack of luck and my lack of luck on a plane together is just going to result in very bad things.” Q retorts, turning back to his work. Mycroft scowls.

“Two negatives make a positive.” Is all Mycroft says. Q sighs.

“Zero is nether positive nor negative. Zero plus zero is still zero, Mycroft. Sherrinford is notorious for having zero luck in regards to things going his way. Zero. I am notorious for having zero luck in regards to things going my way on planes. Zero. My lack of luck plus Sherrinford’s lack of luck equals zero! If zero plus zero equals zero, then zero equals _I'm not getting on a bloody plane!_ " Mycroft pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath in. 

“Q, be reasonable. We can’t take the same transport for fear of us both being killed if something were to go wrong, but the only way for us to get down to New Zealand is to fly. Sherlock and I are going via private jet, and you and Sherrinford are going to go via GERT-I.” Q groans and throws his arms up.

“Have you talked to Sherrinford about this yet?! I doubt he’s going to be happy with it.” Mycroft shifts uneasily, letting a lot of his weight fall on his umbrella. Q smiles triumphantly. “Ha!” he announces, smirking at his brother. All of MI6 seems to be holding its breath.

“He will accept.”

“Will he now?! Let’s call him and find out.” Q taps at his screen for a few moments and then steps back, clearing his throat. “Sherrinford, hello.”

“Q? Now is not _really_ the time for a chat. I’m flying a plane, you know, 30,000 feet in the air… how are you talking to me, anyway? Did you hide something on GERT-I?” A voice that sounds distinctly like a softer version of Sherlock Holmes’ sounds from the computer.

“Yes, hello. I did hide a little comm on your plane. Don’t worry, it’s specifically designed to play nice with your instruments.” There’s a snort from the computer. “Hey, don’t you trust me? I’m hurt.”

“No, you’re not. Come now, what’s so important that it can’t wait until I’m back on the ground?”

“I have Mycroft here. He’s telling me an interesting tale, do you want to hear it?” Mycroft winces, only Q notices.

“Oh, this should be good. Douglas, you have control.”

“I have control.” An unfamiliar deep voice speaks.

“Right then, I’m all ears, Q.“

“See, Mycroft here was just telling me that the reunion is to be held in New Zealand, and do you know how we get to New Zealand? Mycroft does. By _plane_. And do you know which plane Mycroft is foisting me on? I’ll give you a hint, it starts with Golf and ends in India.”

“No.” comes the not Sherlock but Sherlock voice from the computer.

“Yes, indeed, that’s what I told him, but he was quite adamant I’d board Golf Echo Romeo Tango India and fly to New Zealand, and that I would be distinctly happy about it.”

“Zero plus zero equals zero, Mycroft. It’s a bloody miracle I manage to survive _my_ flights, and I’m a sodding pilot! I’m not going to risk any further lives by putting Q on a plane that also contains myself.”

“Be reasonable, Sherrinford.”

“No. Do you remember what happened the last time Q got on a plane? I do because they still haven’t found the bloody thing!”

“I maintain it is somewhere in the Pacific Ocean and if people would just look they’d find it.” Q mutters, almost unheard by anyone.

“Do you remember what happened the time before that where we shoved Q on a plane? I do because I lost my sodding job and Q was in hospital for three excruciatingly painful weeks where we had to keep him from blowing the bloody place up! No, Mycroft. If you want to put Q on a plane to New Zealand, you’re going to have to pick a plane that doesn’t also contain _me._ And you’re a fool if you think Q’s ever going to get on a plane for a reunion that could just as well be held in London. You’ve got the landing, Douglas.”

“Righto. Would it be reasonable to assume this little communications device is safe to use while landing?” the deep voice asks, almost belatedly Q realizes the voice is addressing him.

“Yes, go ahead.”

“Alright.”

“But Mummy expects us in New Zealand.” Mycroft picks up the conversation Q hopes has been discarded.

“Mummy expects us to show up to a reunion. Mummy doesn’t give a toss if we show up in New Zealand or not, and you know it, Mycroft!” the voice so like Sherlock’s says, annoyed. Mycroft sighs.

“Very well, I’ll sort it out. Most likely we’ll be going to the Big House.”

“Good.”

_Bing bong, this is your Consulting Detective calling._

Q snorts and taps something on the computer screen.

“Sherlock, hello.”

“Has Mycroft caved yet?”

“Indeed he has.”

“Thank Christ! I’ve had enough flying for the moment.”

“Is that Sherlock?” comes the not Sherlock voice.

“Oh, Sherrinford. Hello, I didn’t know you were back in London.”

“Oh I’m not. I’m in the process of landing back in Fitton.”

“Ah.”

“Ugh. I think I’ve had enough domestics for a day.” Mycroft announces, swirling on his heel and walking away.

“Bye, brother dear. Do come back soon. It’s always a pleasure!” Q calls teasingly after him, Mycroft doesn’t respond.

“Thank Christ, I thought the tosser would never leave.” Sherrinford says with a relieved sigh. “I’m going to sign off now. I assume I’ll see you both in a few hours?”

“Yes.” Sherlock sighs and hangs up.

“That was rather rude.” Q bemoans playfully.

“Mm, you know what he’s like. Take care, little brother.” Sherrinford ends the connection and Q smiles, clicking away the windows on the computer. He looks up at Q-branch.

“Well, don’t you all have work to be doing?” he calls, and quickly his minions scramble back to their stations.

“Oh God, there’s four of them!” comes the terrified whine from one of the braver minions. Q smiles brightly.

“Mm, Mummy _really_ wanted a girl.” He says with a shrug, returning to his work. No one is brave enough to ask if Mummy got one.

She didn’t.


End file.
